what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
