My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
A bitchslap is in order.
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