i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
