1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
