Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
