She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
