You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
