We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
