I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You can't motorboat a personality
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
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