she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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