plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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