my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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