There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
