So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
