Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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