I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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