Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize