I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
