I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
