I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
