at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
