man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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