I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
