What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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