so that wasnt chicken after all
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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