It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
