I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I love having hate sex.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
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You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional