i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
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dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
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Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.