OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book