i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.