In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
No idea. I blame fireball.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god