I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.