she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
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He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
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Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice