Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
