I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
