I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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