My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
