Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I touched a dick in church today
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
