Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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