I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
