based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
