3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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