how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
