OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
