I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
