I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
