bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
