he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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