i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
