he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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