she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
