Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
