I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
