Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
