never play flip cup with pint glasses
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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