I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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