Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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