Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
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Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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