i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
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