You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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