she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
