I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
