Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
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Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
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I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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