is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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