Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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