I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
