I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
