I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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