he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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