I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
