She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
