i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize