just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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