dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
