Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
